This One’s for the Weight I Carried

 


To the weight that stayed on my back,

You arrive without warning. Some days you crash into me like a storm; loud, relentless, impossible to ignore. Other days, you slip in quietly, like a weight settling on my chest before I’ve even had my first sip of coffee. You make the world feel heavy, and I often wonder if I’ll ever stop carrying you.

I used to meet you with resistance. I’d overthink, overwork, or overfill my days, hoping distraction could silence you. But the harder I pushed, the more tightly you clung to me. And in the stillness of night, when everyone else seemed fine, I’d lie awake wondering why my mind wouldn’t give me peace.

It’s strange, isn’t it? How something invisible can feel so unbearable. How a simple chore: washing the dishes, answering a text, opening an email, can suddenly feel like climbing a mountain barefoot. I once believed it was weakness, that if I just tried harder, I’d outrun the weight, but now I’m starting to see you differently.

Because maybe you’re not an enemy to conquer, but a messenger I’ve ignored for too long.

When I sit with you, really sit, without judgment or escape, I notice what you’ve been trying to tell me. That I’m tired. That I’ve stretched myself too thin. That my heart is still nursing bruises I keep pretending aren’t there. And that it’s okay to pause, even when the world around me insists I should keep moving.

Mindfulness has become my lifeline here. Not the picture-perfect version people post online, but the quiet, unglamorous kind. The deep breath I take before answering the phone. The way I press my hand to my chest when panic threatens to spiral. The five minutes I gift myself to just notice sunlight pouring through the window. These tiny anchors don’t make the heaviness vanish, but they remind me I’m still here. That I can survive the waves without drowning in them.

Read More: https://peonymagazine.com/mind-spirit/this-ones-for-the-weight-i-carried/


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