PeonyMagazine

  The ceiling hums faintly with the sound of a world already awake. Light leaks through the curtains, sharp and uninvited, landing across the mess on my desk, half-folded laundry, a cold mug from last night, and a notebook with too many crossed-out plans. My body stirs before my mind fully operates. The air feels heavy, like it’s pressing me to choose between rising and staying still. Somewhere under the weight of it all, I move, because lying still makes the noise in my head louder. I poured a cup of tea, not even thinking about steeping it properly, and took the first sip like it might somehow stabilize me, it didn’t. My hands were shaking, not from caffeine but from knowing I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve been  coasting , pretending like I have control, but control is a joke, isn’t it? The only thing I’ve ever controlled is how well I hide that I don’t. I looked out the window at the street I’ve walked a thousand times and felt like a stranger. People are rushing by, mo...